Stop Focusing on Beating Your Competition

My son has taught me important lessons. He's now a partner in a very successful industrial real estate firm. When I asked him once how his sales volume compared to others in his firm, he reminded me that he was only competing with himself, not with anyone else.

This is a hard lesson for someone like me who grew up with parents expecting over-achievement. When I came home from grade school proud of a high score, I heard, "Did anyone make a higher score?" Being really good was not the goal; it was being better than everyone else. Don't get me wrong; my son is fiercely driven to achieve. However, it is his yardstick that is different.

It almost sounds un-American to someone like me, a former Army airborne unit commander and bank vice president. We sit in athletic stands and loudly cheer our favorite team to "totally crush the other team." I did a keynote for Wrangler several years ago when their mantra was "Kick Levi's butt." (Only they used the a-word). Coach Vince Lombardi enjoyed saying, "Show me a good loser, and I will show you a loser." The sentiment of beating the other guy conjures up the zeal of triumph and the joy of victory.

But, as I learned from my son, there is another perspective: one that produces more lasting, satisfying results.

In the late 1700s, no one came even close to having the enormous musical talent of Wolfgang Mozart. In the 1400s, no Italian had the artistic prowess of Michelangelo. What if Mozart or Michelangelo had only been trying to beat the other guy? What if their performance standard had been their peers instead of their own potential?

Using your personal best as your standard can often create better results than merely beating your competition. When you compete against the performance of others, you assume the highest level of achievement is victory, rather than maximizing potential. It may seem nuanced, but the distinctions are quite stark.

Gauging your achievement against your own ultimate capacity can also help allay the dismay, guilt, or shame that can come when you find yourself coming up short in the comparison racket. How many young gymnasts, little leaguers, or swimmers, after giving their absolute utmost, end up "crying in the backseat" because "I lost." Is that a recipe for high self-esteem later in life?

Don't get me wrong. I love witnessing an Olympic athlete break records. I am on the edge of my seat watching the University of Georgia bulldogs thrill fans at a Saturday afternoon football game. At the same time, I wonder what young soccer or T-ball players learn when they receive a trophy just for showing up, regardless of their individual performance or the accomplishment of their team. Yes, you want to reward them for playing and nurture a love for the sport and teamwork. But if you know any five-year old's, you also know they would prefer a yummy pizza to a plastic trophy. Save symbols of excellence for an actual accomplishment, not for mere participation.

Make Your Own Potential Your Primary Challenger

"The competitor to be feared is the one who never bothers about you at all," wrote Henry Ford, "but goes on making his own business better all the time." This sentiment changes the frame from best others to best of self. Basketball great Michael Jordan summed it up nicely: "You have competition every day because you set such high standards for yourself that you must go out every day and live up to that." Notice there is no focus on "the other team."

When a basketball sportscaster was asked about the playing styles of the late Kobe Bryant versus Michael Jordan, the announcer noted that if Bryant's team had a 20-point lead over their competition, you could see Kobe slow his drive. Not so with Jordan. If Michael's team was 20 points ahead, he worked to make it a 40-point lead. The difference? Bryant was playing the competing team; Jordan was competing with himself.

So, what does this look like up close and person? In the 2016 Rio Olympics 5000-meter heat Abbey D'Agostino of the USA fell, causing her to trip up Nikki Hamblin of New Zealand, a runner she did not know. D'Agostino could have regained her composure and continued toward the finish line. Instead, she worked to help Hamblin to her feet. But D'Agostino's injured legs buckled in the attempt and Hamblin returned the favor, helping D'Agosion. Neither runner resumed the race until both could successfully run. Because neither was at fault for the fall, both were allowed to race in the finals. "It is a moment," said Hamblin, "I will never, ever forget for the rest of my life." The cheering fans that watched the abundant gesture are not likely to forget it either.

How Effective Leaders Can Deal with a Competition Mindset

What are the lessons for leaders in today's competitive world? First, think like the Warner Bros. cartoon character, Road Runner. While he never missed the fact that Wile E. Coyote stayed in hot pursuit, Road Runner focused on excelling at his own game. Eliminate any practices that foster a zero-sum approach. Cultivate trust and transparency. Foster peer-to-peer praise. Talk about purpose, not just profit; that is, why and how you play the game, not just the score. Treat competitors with respect and never like an enemy.

Celebrate failures that result in learning and progress. "Failure is the only way to success," wrote Prete founder and CEO Nina Ojeda in a recent Inc. Magazine article. "But the kind of failure you need is the kind of failure you get when you go all in without your focus on anyone or anything else. Cards on the table with nothing and everything to lose. Don't lose sight of that by looking the other direction while someone steals your lunch."[1]

Nurture a culture of learning, innovation, and experimentation. Winning can imply "game over." Commemorate small accomplishments and interim milestones but frame them as a part of an ongoing journey toward excellence. Eradicate all gossip and infighting. Be a perpetual learner. Author Rosabeth Moss Kantor said, "Leaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach." The Road Runner continued to learn on the run while Wile E. just looked for another short-term gimmick in his futile attempt to prevail.

The headlong pursuit of defeating the competition at all costs risks turning every endeavor requiring excellence into categorizing others as "winners or losers?" This win-lose orientation to accomplishment can short circuits partnerships, and sabotages teamwork, as it seeds greed and mistrust. We need achievement-driven performance. The game of business and life gets healthier and more glorious if the yardstick of excellence is the one on the inside.

1] Nina Ojeda, "Why Most Successful Entrepreneurs Don't Focus on Their Competition, Inc. Magazine, May 18, 2016.