3 Secrets To Great (Customer) Relationships

"Don't talk to me; I'm on my popcorn break?" It was the hilarious opening line of a spoof "no badgering" ad for Johnson Automotive, a chain of dealerships in North Carolina, Florida, and Maryland. The ad series featured Grady the badger, a cartoonish character, poking fun at everything wrong with auto dealerships. The popcorn break line was scornfully thrown at a customer concerned about how long it was taking for his car to be repaired.

"Can't you see this suit I'm wearing," continued Grady the badger? "I don't fix cars, I sell cars!" When the customer made one final plea for an answer for his excessive wait time, the caustic badger replied, "Do I look like I care? (insert long pause) I don't!"

Revisiting the 2011 ads led me to think about what made relationships great. Unless you are a hermit, relationships are a vital part of living. And, if you are affiliated with the world of commerce, one key relationship is the one with customers. So, what would you discover if you unraveled the components of a great relationship?

What is a Customer Relationship

I love Amazon but do not have an interpersonal relationship with Amazon. They are more like an acquaintance than a friend. When I need to buy an object, I order it online without needing interaction, and unless things go afoul, I do not need their empathy, compassion, or caring. If it is easy to order what I need and what I order arrives as promised (directly or indirectly), I am a happy camper. However, my relationships with my clients, dentist, and barber are different. And it is in that category I direct this guidance.

Relationships are fueled by caring. Caring can go by many labels—compassion, consideration, or concern—but it is a verifiable action, not merely a sentiment or attitude. Your customers have no clue you care until it is demonstrated in some fashion. That means taking actions that are other-oriented, not self-centered. Great customer service people are concerned about the ROI of their efforts, but they also genuinely enjoy serving others as an end, not just a means. We typically recognize their generous spirit when we feel it.

Anne Brose posted her heartwarming story on social media about her experience with Chewy, a web-based pet supply company. Her story lit up the Internet. "I contacted Chewy last week to see if I could return an unopened bag of my dog's food after he died. They 1) gave me a full refund, 2) told me to donate the food to a shelter, and 3) had flowers delivered today with the gift note signed by the person I talked to." Horst Schulze, founder and former president of Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company, often mused that an excellent guest relationship was not complicated, it was simply "ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen."

1. Caring is an Action, Not an Attitude

Caring is behavior that demonstrates a deep and abiding concern for your customers' well-being and success. When customers have a problem, caring shows up as empathy and energy directed at identification, and connection, plus a sincere yearning to help. It is acknowledging customers' uniqueness and respecting their preferences. When we customize, personalize, and individualize, we give customers a reason to believe we care. It takes relating with a good heart. "I think it matters whether someone has a good heart," wrote Tesla founder Elon Musk.

Caring also comes alive when customers are disappointed or unhappy with us. The encounter becomes a venue for transparency and forgiveness. Rather than writing it off as "you can't please everyone," caring involves the ardent pursuit of feedback for growth and improvement, not just temporary damage control. Even if the hiccup is the customer's fault (the customer is not always right), there is a high-ground effort to enhance the relationship. People who care about relationships don't give up on people and fight for the relationship. They only let go of customers who prove to be thieves or abusive.

2. Relationships Are Guided by Curiosity

Great relationships are guided by evident curiosity and authentic interest. It is a fellowship laced more with questions than answers, inquiring rather than reporting. Even when there is a sales component to the relationship, influence is achieved through collaborative discovery rather than a calculated pitch. "What do you like most about your hairdresser," I asked a friend. Her answer was quick and laser-focused: "He asks me great questions."

Curiosity is fundamentally an optimistic treasure hunt—a gallant search that occurs without guarantee. It reflects a yearning to know, not piously or smugly, but rather like the resolution of emotional dissonance—a familiar tune that stops before the last bar. Curiosity is the birthplace of relationship sustainability. Albert Einstein wisely said, "It's not that I'm so smart, but I stay with the questions much longer." "Staying with questions longer" enables you to demonstrate curiosity. Sincere curiosity tells your customers you genuinely care about them.

3. Relationships Are Animated Through Sharing

Caring is about sharing. We like customers who show up at our business or web page eager to make a purchase, complete a survey, or advocate on our behalf. Customers expect us to make the same investment in them. They mistrust when the relationship is cloaked in secrecy or if important truths are withheld. "Doubt comes in at the window," wrote Benjamin Jowett, "When inquiry is denied at the door." Customers retreat when they are disrespected, mistreated, or taken for granted. And when they register a concern, they expect more than being heard; they expect to be esteemed. Relationships require giving, not taking, contributing not using.

Vacationing in Chattanooga, my wife, a seventeen-year-old cat, and I stayed at the Westin Hotel. When the bellman loaded our cat carrier and sandbox on the luggage cart after we arrived, we received not only a barrage of questions about Gypsy but a neighbor-like revealing about the loss of his cat for many years. Whenever he saw us in the lobby, he asked about how Gypsy was enjoying the hotel. We were lucky the day we left; he was again our bellman. After he had loaded everything in our car and returned to the bell stand, he suddenly rushed back to our car as we were about to drive away. Apologetically he said, "I forgot to say goodbye to Miss Gypsy."

As humans, we want to matter to others. We want our short time on this earth to count for more than simply presence. When someone shows genuine interest, listens to our story, or displays concern for more than the mere facts of our lives, we feel cherished. The bottom line, great relationships